“Love your child without limitation up to the age of five,
and then begin to discipline him.”
--Old Sanskrit axiom
“Love your child without reservations,
and sacrifice your other pleasures for the sake of this love.
Don’t underestimate how early this sense of love is perceived;
a child perceives your love before any other awareness.”
--Swami Rama of the Himalayas
Raising children to become saints will come automatically if we raise our children
to be happy children for the first five years of their lives and then allow their
spirits to fulfill their purpose on earth.
This is the true task of parents, grandparents, teachers, and anyone who
encounters these wonderful, young humans.
The child knows that it is loved when it knows it is safe and protected from any
dangers, even when they do challenging things. Safety and protection mean,
when living with an energetic and curious child, like most children, watching
them perform their tasks while hovering over them like a helicopter. We hang
close to them and spot them so they don’t fall and hurt themselves, much like a
gymnastics instructor. It means letting them stumble and fall when we know that
they will not hurt themselves as they attempt to perform their first steps or their
first bicycle ride. This allows them to learn and not become dependent on mom
and dad all the time.
Loving them means being patient, sometimes what seems like beyond reason, as
we watch them venture through their first years of life.
The next part of the Sanskrit axiom follows immediately—No discipline! But what
does that mean?
It means no “punitive” reactions on our part as parents, teachers, or care givers.
What should we do to show them that they are loved and children of God, capable
of doing limitless things throughout their lives? We train them, not criticize them
or get angry with them when they fail or even when they hurt themselves. We
lovingly direct them, like a good coach, in a way that allows them to see and
understand a better way of acting or a better way of performing in whatever they
want to do. Sometimes it means totally re-directing their behavior from
something harmful to something positive, and then complementing them for
doing that.
Little people love to be around us during their early years. They love to cuddle
and often love to wrestle. This physical touching and hanging out together is
their most important need. When they begin to experience the good and bad
consequences of some of the things they do, like maybe lying or hitting a sibling,
we need to help them deal with the fear or the hurt or the anger that triggered
their behavior. Doing this in a loving, tender way instead of yelling at them for
their actions lets the child know that they are loved. Eventually, it sinks in and
they begin to learn how to deal with those mighty feelings. Eventually, they learn
to respond differently in stressful emotional situations.
Of course, this takes a lot of time on our part as mother or father or other
caregiver. Our cultural and personal life desires and duties don’t always allow
that to happen, but if we work at this, our children will be happier and healthier. I
am reminded of my wife Mary’s response to our children’s anger—“Never let
them go to bed angry.”
When our discipline becomes positive and an affirming training for the first five
years of their life, like a good coach, the child’s mind is prepared to allow their
divine spirit within to lead them into wonderful, purposeful lives. They will be
able to navigate the “school” years more successfully, not be worried or
frightened about the criticism and negativity they might experience during those
years. They will grow up knowing and loving themselves—strong and confident
in who they are.
Raising happy children is a challenge, especially in this electronic media world
and this hectic world of imbalance. May we be supported in this! May the
community around us and our children help make a more peaceful life for
ourselves and our children. “It takes a village to raise a child.”
I bow to the divinity within
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